Parenting lesson-how to teach kids to be a leader; not a follower

So my husband and I recently got an email from my 3rd grader’s teacher with the subject line of incident. Great. Just want you want to read on a busy work afternoon. Turns out that my son had been not so nice that day with another student to one of their friends in their class. My heart sank. This does not sound like my kid. But we responded that this wouldn’t be tolerated and we’d have a nice chat with him later on when we got home. Turns out my kid was slightly mean that day, but to no avail, he was lead to do mean things and my son made the wrong choice by following. So my question was how do we convince a 9 year old to be a leader and not a follower. How do you get that point across in 3rd grade terms? Of course we gave him the normal lecture of “put yourself in that kids’ shoes that you teased today-how would that make you feel”, “you don’t have to do everything that so&so does”, “you need to surround yourself with good people and make good choices”, etc…But I still feel like he wasn’t understanding the true point. He’s a good kid, but like all kids, he does make bad choices from time to time. Later on that night we got an email from the mom of the ‘other accused student’ aka my son’s friend. It struck me at that point after reading the email, that this is a bigger issue than just my son making bad choices. He apparently was teaching her son bad words and other inappropriate non-9 year old things. Of course the email read, that by no means were they saintly parents, but they were actively involved in their church, limit their son’s tv/game time, and avoid the radio. So my take on that was, well it has to be your son teaching him these awful things. WHAT?!? Ugh. My husband was furious and started to compose an email that I was not comfortable sending back. So after he edited the section I was not fond of, our message back was simply, I think we need to monitor the kids time together because obviously it’s getting them in trouble. What he (we) really wanted to reply was, “Feel free to go back to your prayers (sorry…I do pray and believe in God, but hate when people throw it in my face) and pray for better friends for your son since obviously my son is the problem-B*&%H!” See…there is an underlying issue going on with my son and her son. They were in the same class in 1st grade and my son got into trouble a lot. They were not in the same class for 2nd grade and we rarely had problems (just the usual, not paying attention issues). Now they are back in the same class and here we go again. I am vowing that my son and her son will not be in the same class the rest of their elementary careers. It’s too much of a coincidence that when these two are in the class, problems arise. My son is by no means an angel, but seems to be pushed in the wrong direction. Again…I ask…how do you all relay the message to your children, that it’s best be to be a leader and not a follower?

Date with mommy

So as promised, I want to document ALL that my kids do, say, sing, perform, etc…

Mason, 9 & in 3rd grade, has HUGE dreams of becoming a football player. If he does not make it as a football player he says, he will then try basketball. This has all spawned off the fact that his daddy and I LOVE football and watch college and pro football a lot. We are Bengals fans (don’t feel sorry for us, we’re used to it), but he has taken up an interest in ALL players; I think he has a favorite on every team. He played flag football this fall and did great; it’s just that football is not really his thing. But he keeps insisting that he is going to play ‘real’ football next year in 4th grade and then everything will work out.  He doesn’t understand the dedication, practice, working out, getting good grades, etc it takes to play sports. So as he mentioned this huge dream to us the other night while watching the BCS Championship game, I had to explain to him that only about 4-5 of those kids on that field were going to make it to the NFL. He kind of sat there stunned. That’s when he said then I’ll try basketball then if I can’t play football after college. Again..had to explain to him that all those kids are in college; they are going to school to study in a field they like. He again got quiet. I said to him, you know Mase, you can go to school for Art, Science, Math, etc and not just sports. You will have to have something that you like and will want to study when you go to college. Again silence. He didn’t talk about this again until yesterday when he wanted to go outside and practice being a good QB. This scares me that he is already focused on sports alone and not school; he’s only 9 so luckily we have a few years left to figure things out. One step at a time with him. He is playing basketball right now and he’s really quite good. I think he shocked himself when he made the first basketball of the game. he wants to play flag football again in the Spring and then the dreaded ‘real’ football in the fall…baby steps. 🙂

Carson, 6 & in 1st grade, has some issues with his temper. I have blogged about this several times before so i won’t go into the story behind him. He has gotten a LOT better and thankfully has a wonderful 1st grade teacher that has worked with him on some of his issues. This kid is so stinking cute when he wants to be and so funny. He loves to dance and sing and can memorize just about any commercial jingle that comes on tv. It’s quite freaky at times. But he loves all the new hits and of course Gangnam Style is one of his favs. While his brother can bust out the moves like a natural, Carson has memorized the song. He and his brother recorded it in the car one day and I had to play it for all my coworkers. SO funny!! His Korean needs a little work, but boy does he nail the song. 🙂  Also for months now he’s been begging us to go eat at TGI Friday’s on a Friday. We haven’t had the time yet, but for Christmas I got a Friday’s gift card. I told my hubby that I wanted to take Carson on a date just to get some him and mommy time. So when I asked Carson if he wanted to go on a date with me, he gave me this weird look and said, “Mommy, I’m not going to date you. That’s gross!” LOL!!! So funny!!

Kacey. almost 22 months old, is the princess and boy does she know it. Her brothers adore her and call her Miss Fuzzy. She is also adored by her cousins, her grandparents, her aunts, her uncle, etc…she’s ADORABLE!! 🙂 Lately I look at her and think she has gotten so ‘old’ in the last few weeks and her vocabulary is expanding rapidly. She lays on the floor on her belly, with her legs up in the air, playing with toys, and I just freak out about how fast she has grown up. She now runs away from me when I go pick her up from daycare; she is also ADORED at the center and all the teachers love her-she loves them just as much. She eats at the regular table; with a fork and a spoon. She has a pillow and blanket in her crib; she’s attempting to climb out. She has gone on the potty a few times; she wears pull-ups because she’s so fast and squirmy. Bottom line is that she needs to stay this way forever!! 🙂

Parenting…day 3

Just a little update on how the ‘problem child’ solving is going…I’m reading a book and so is my hubby. I’ve made it to chapter 4 (I’m not a good reader), but have learned a few good tricks so far. Turns out saying please is one of the keys to success and the sure overkill of niceness/positive reinforcement in the beginning. I will be trying this out when we all get home from school/work. I did start out the morning by asking the boys to ‘Please get out of bed so we can start this beautiful day’. Seemed to work; they were both in good moods. I was high fiving myself for getting them out of bed. But sure enough the dreaded morning tantrum came (out of no where) with ‘the problem child”. He already had breakfast and we had 15 minutes to spare in which he needed to brush his teeth, get his shoes on and get his jacket on. I asked him nicely to, “After you are done with breakfast, PLEASE go brush your teeth and get your shoes on.” Problem child asked, “Can I have cereal now?” in which I promptly responded nicely, “No, buddy. You just finished breakfast and it’s time to brush your teeth and get your shoes on.” Tick tick tick, BOOM. And he’s screaming and yelling about having cereal. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. Really? Hubby jumped in and distracted him and we got the morning routine finished and we were out the door, peacefully, driving to daycare. Yesterday we had an episode trying to get problem child out of the car. My heart panicked as I stopped the car, opened the door for oldest son to get out and unbuckled the little one out of the car seat. No problems with problem child getting out of the car this morning, so I remembered my book advice and told him, “Good job bud for getting out of the car so nicely this morning.” Woo hoo…he was happy about that. BUT, yes…there is always a BUT it seems. Oldest son said to me, “What’s so great about getting out of the car?” And boom…I feel like crap again. So not only do I have to deal with problem child, I have to work this parenting magic on my oldest son who I thought was pretty well-behaved. WRONG-O! getting them into daycare was just fine after that; no eruptions or meanness.

It’s a good thing that I have about 30 minutes to drive to work after dropping off my kids. This is ‘MY’ time-no kids, no work, no hubby, NO ONE ELSE BUT ME. I cherish my hour a day that I have in the car where it’s peaceful and quiet. My mind wanders all over the place for these 2-30 minute drives each day and I wish I could blog while I was driving. Today I thought to myself, boy, I really wish my 6-year-old would just grow up and we wouldn’t have to deal with these problems. But then I immediately thought, that was selfish, why would I want that? I WANT to be able to enjoy my 6 year old’s six-year oldness. I want to enjoy my 8 year old’s, eight year oldness. I WANT to ENJOY my kids NOW; not later (well later too but you get what I’m saying). Back to the books I go tonight to conquer this quest of mine!

It’s a new week, a new day, a new way of parenting ahead

This entry is for all the parents out there that have a child who in a not so nice way of saying, DRIVES YOU CRAZY. You think to yourself, “what is wrong with my child?”, “why are they acting this way?”, or “they’ll grow out of this stage.” Like my previous post, my son just turned six and I have been thinking these thoughts for about three years now and yet, he has NOT grown out of it. My son is Jekyl and Hyde; he can go from sweet, sensitive little man, to devil, mean screaming man in 0 to 5 seconds. You sometimes cannot predict when this outburst is going to happen and sometimes you are shocked in situtations when it doesn’t happen. You start to question yourself as a parent and start blaming yourself for the behavior’s of your defiant child. You love your child so much that it pains you inside to see him/her act this way, but at the same time you are SO frustrated you don’t know what to do. You DON’T look forward to spending time with this child b/c you know along the way he/she will have an outburst and you don’t want to deal with it. This is where I am right now with my 6 year old; today starts a new day/week of trying to surpress my child’s angry feelings and bring back my sweet little guy. No more yelling, screaming, rolling the eyes, ignoring, pushing his requests off for later, etc. It’s time for a serious 180 degrees of parenting skills to better myself, my marriage, and more importantly all my kids; not just my 6 year old. Our household has not been a happy one lately b/c of the fact that we’re all simply stressed out to the max in regards to handling our defiant child. I HATE calling him that, but it’s the truth. It’s time for me to face the truth and see that we have a problem here; not just a problem child, but a problem parenting style. Things are going to change; they HAVE to. And TODAY is the day when this change starts-for the better.